The way we socialise and form relationships is constantly evolving and online platforms enable us to interact with people we might never have encountered otherwise. Whilst this provides great opportunities, it also heightens the risk of engaging with someone who may not be who they claim to be.
Practical Guide
We have developed a practical guide to help you understand common tactics used in romance scams. Remember, you are not alone. Our goal is to support you in creating safe and positive online connections.
Last Updated24/11/2024
Romance scams are increasingly common, especially on dating sites. A scammer will pretend to be in a romantic relationship with someone online to scam them out of money or steal their personal information. They often use photos and identities of real people to create believable fake profiles. Scammers spend significant time and effort forming connections and building trust, making it difficult to discern the scam.
Their backstory, including family, friends, and employment, is meticulously crafted to build a connection and foster trust. After gaining your trust, they might begin with small requests for money, gradually increasing to larger sums. They may not ask for money directly but mention problems that could be solved with financial assistance, exploiting your emotions to offer help.
If you think you’ve been the target of a romance scam you can contact Netsafe for advice and guidance. Our helpline is free, confidential and available 7 days a week.
(https://report.netsafe.org.nz/hc/en-au/requests/new)Email [email protected] 
(mailto:[email protected])Text 'Netsafe' to 4282 
(sms:4282?body=Netsafe)Call 0508 638 723 8am-8pm weekdays, 9am-5pm weekends 
(tel:0508638723)"Legitimate” urgency :
Scammers create a sense of urgency to prompt quick action without giving you time to think. This can include rapid declarations of love or strong feelings soon after meeting online. They might bombard you with 'love bombs', manipulating you into feeling you can 'solve' their urgent problems by sending money.
"Legitimate” secrecy :
Scammers encourage secrecy to avoid detection. They may isolate you from sharing your new relationship with others, diverting your thoughts to imminent marriage or creating a false sense of security and obligation.
Power manipulation and disguising requests for money:
Scammers make you believe you hold decision-making power, yet subtly manipulate you into self-doubt or apologising for expressing concern. This manipulation often disguises their requests for money.
Changes in communication style:
If the person you are talking to has sudden changes in their communication style, it could be a sign that multiple people are managing the scam. Scammers often juggle several targets simultaneously, working together to perfect their deception.
Hesitance about meeting:
Scammers often provide elaborate excuses to avoid meeting in person or via video call, such as ill health or unforeseen circumstances. They may keep a “relationship” going for months before initiating financial requests.
The 'wrong number':
Scammers might even contact you pretending to have connected with the wrong number or account to start the conversation. They do this when there isn't any believable connection between you and the account they've created.
Pig butchering scam:
There is a particularly vicious type of scam called a pig butchering scam that often presents as a romance scam. Pig butchering scams move from innocent-looking social interactions to suggestions or encouragement to join a fake investment scheme(/scams/investment-scams).
STOP: Take a moment to think before sharing your money or personal information.
CHALLENGE: Question the situation, could this be fake? Is this too good to be true? It's okay to ignore, refuse, or reject any requests, especially online. You have control; you can report and block them.
PROTECT: Safeguard your information, contact your bank if you’ve fallen for a scam, and report it to Netsafe for support.
No matter how long you've been communicating or how trustworthy they seem:
Never:
Always:
If you suspect your online partner is a scammer the situation can be challenging. Reach out to someone you trust for support, confide in whānau or trusted friends.
You can contact Netsafe seven days a week for free, confidential and non-judgmental advice about an online issue impacting you or someone you know.
Whilst we cannot investigate or track scammers, we can provide advice on steps you can take to stay safe and what to do if you think you’ve been scammed.
(https://report.netsafe.org.nz/hc/en-au/requests/new)Email [email protected] (mailto:[email protected])Text 'Netsafe' to 4282 (sms:4282?body=Netsafe)Call 0508 638 723 8am-8pm weekdays, 9am-5pm weekends (tel:0508638723)For further support and counselling you can contact these services:
We’ve worked with Spectrum Care to create a plain language online safety guide about romance scams for people with an intellectual disability, and those who support them.
Identifying whether a website is real, or fake can be challenging.
We've created the ‘CheckNetsafe’ Anti-Scam Tool, which helps you determine the legitimacy of a website or link.
Download our handy guide to stay vigilant and be ready to spot common scams.
