Online safety conversation starters

Talking to children aged 10-years and under

How to start talking to under 10's about online safety

It’s never too early to start talking to your child about safe behaviours whether offline or online or their digital footprint. They are probably watching you interact online or their siblings, so start talking about the safety tips you use when online. When you are about to post a photo, ask them where they think it will go and who will be able to see it.

Children talk to people they trust and who understand them – for under 10s this is most likely parents and family members. Knowing what to ask, when to ask or how to ask can be tricky, so we have a few suggestions. When looking to have a chat with your child consider:

Where you are: Look for a time when your child isn’t going to be distracted by things happening around them.

Keeping it natural: In the car on the way home from school or informally is likely to work better.

Asking open-ended questions: Use questions which invite conversation rather than ones which ask for yes or no answers.

Leading with a request for help: Starting the conversation with a request for help about a platform or app can show your child that you recognise their knowledge which could lead to great engagement in further conversation.

Reserving judgement: Listen and focus on what your child is saying, no matter how hard this might be. Showing an interest in what they are doing makes it easier to have more difficult conversations if a challenge arises.

The approach you take will be different depending on the age and stage of your child – and what you feel comfortable discussing.

Online safety conversation starts for under 10's

Use your judgement to choose the topics that are most relevant to your child.

Internet basics

• What do you think the internet is? How long do you think it’s been around for?
• What do you like doing when you are on the internet? Who do you do those things with?
• How do you think you can stay safe? What are some of the things you don’t like about being online?
• What makes an online friend different to an offline friend?

Managing time online

• What do you like doing on the laptop/phone/tablet?
• How could you tell if you were spending too much time online? If you wanted to spend less time on devices, how would you do it?
• What are some of the things you could do instead?
• How do you feel when you have to turn off your game or activity online?

Online bullying

• Have you ever felt sad or unhappy online? What did you do?
• Have you seen other people doing things online that you didn’t like? What did you do?
• What does bullying mean?
• How is bullying different to a joke? If your friend was being bullied online, what would you do?

Privacy & personal information

• What are some things you shouldn’t share online?
• What is the difference between ‘public’ and ‘private’ posts or groups?
• What do you know about privacy settings? Why do you think they are important?
• What would you do if you were asked for information that you didn’t think was safe to share?
• What memories of your digital footprint would you like deleted?

Truth & tricksters

• How do you know what’s real and made up online? What do real things look like? Can you show me something online that is real? What do made up things look like? Can you show me something online that is made up or not real?
• If we weren’t sure if something was real or not, what would you do?
• Do you think it’s easy to pretend to be someone else online? How would you be able to tell if someone really is who they say they are?
• What apps/ games/ platforms do you like to use? Why?

Upsetting content

• Do you think that everything on the internet is okay for kids to see, or is some of it only meant for adults?
• Have you seen anything online that made you feel uncomfortable? What did you do?
• How do you know that what you are watching or playing is good for children to watch?

FAQs

What happens if my child asks me a question I can’t answer? You don’t have to have the answer. Saying “Where do you think we could find out the answer?” is a great way to explore together.

How do I know if a website, platform or game is safe for my child to use? Most social media platforms have a minimum age limit of 13+ so check terms and conditions carefully before letting your child use something. Talk to other parents and lean on their experience and knowledge, search netsafe.org.nz or have a look yourself. Download the app and use it – you will work out very quickly if you want your child engaging with.

Talking to 'tweens' (intermediate-aged children)

How to start talking to tweens about online safety

When you’re talking to your child about what they do offline, it’s a good time to talk about their online activities too. They are probably watching you interact online or doing things at school already, so start talking as often as you can. When you are about to post a photo, ask them where they think it will go and who will be able to see it.

Young people talk to people they trust and those who understand them and their experiences. For intermediate aged children this is most likely to be parents and family members, but there is a growing reliance on their friends as they get older. Knowing what to ask, when to ask or how to ask can be tricky, so we have a few suggestions below:

Location, location, location: When starting a conversation, think about where you are and what’s happening around you. Look for a time when they aren’t going to be distracted.

Keep it natural: In the car on the way home from school or informally across the table is likely to work better than when they have friends over. The best conversations happen when they naturally arises or as part of other conversations.

Ask open-ended questions: Try to use questions which encourage conversation rather than ones which ask for yes or no answers. You find out a lot more from a “tell me about…” type question.

Lead with a request: Starting the conversation with a request for help about a platform or app can show your child that you want to learn about their knowledge which may lead to great engagement in further conversations.

Reserve judgement: Listen and focus on what your child is saying, no matter how hard this might be. Showing an interest in what they are doing makes it easier to have more difficult conversations if a challenge arises later on. This conversation is about gaining their trust, letting them know you are listening and giving them a clear sign that you are there for them. If your child fears you’ll over-react (or freak-out), they will stop talking to you and look for answers in other places and with other people.

The approach you take will be different depending on the age and stage of your child – and what you feel comfortable discussing.

Online safety conversation starters for tweens

Use your judgement to choose the topics that are most relevant to your child.

Privacy & personal information

• What are some things you shouldn’t share online?
• What is the difference between ‘public’ and ‘private’ posts or groups?
• What do you know about privacy settings? Why do you think they are important?
• What would you do if you were asked for information that you didn’t think was safe to share?

Managing time online

• How do you spend your time online?
• How would you tell if you were spending too much time online? What could you try if you wanted to spend less time online?
• How do you feel when you have to turn off your game or activity online?
• What apps/ platforms or games do you use most often? Why?

Online bullying

• Have you ever felt sad or unhappy when you have been online? What did you do? Would you do anything differently now?
• What does online bullying look like to you? What’s the difference between bullying and joking around?
• What advice would you give to a friend who was being bullied online? What support could you offer them?
• What would you do if one of your friends was bullying someone else?
• What does being an “upstander” mean? How could you do this safely?
• How is an online friend different to an offline friend?

Social media vs reality

• Do you think social media shows what people’s everyday lives are like?
• What age do you think you should have your own social media account? What social media account do you want to go on?
• What social media does your friend’s use?
• How would you be able to tell if someone is getting paid to promote content on social media?

The minimum sign up age for most social media platforms is 13.

Truth & tricksters

• What’s catfishing? How could someone pretend to be someone else? How would you be able to tell if someone is who they say they are?
• How do you know what’s real and made up online? What do real things look like? Can you show me something online that is real?
• What do made up things look like? Can you show me something online that is made up?
• What could you do if you thought someone was pretending to be someone else online?

Online pornography

• Have you ever seen any adult pictures online? How did that make you feel? What kinds of questions did you have after seeing those pictures? What did you do?
• What would you do if a friend or someone else was pressuring you to look at pornography online? Who could you talk to?

Sending naked images

Consider the appropriateness of discussing this particular challenge with your child – think about your child’s age & stage.

• What do you know about nudes?
• How common do you think sending nudes is?
• Why do you think people ask for and share nudes?
• What are some of the risks that come with sending nudes?
• If you were pressured to send nudes, how would you say no?
• Who could you talk to if someone was asking you to share nudes and you didn’t want to?

FAQs

What happens if my child asks me a question I can’t answer?

You don’t have to have the answer. Saying “Where do you think we could find out the answer?” is a great way to explore together.

How do I know if a website, platform or game is safe for my child to use?

Most social media platforms have a minimum age limit of 13+ so check terms and conditions carefully before letting your child use something.

Talk to other parents and lean on their experience and knowledge, search netsafe.org.nz or have a look yourself.

Download the app and use it – you will work out very quickly if you want your child engaging with.

Talking to teenagers about online safety

How to start talking to teenagers about online safety

While friends become greater sources of support for young people as they get older, maintaining trusted relationships with their parents is still important. Regularly engaging in open conversations about online experiences is a useful way for parents to support and empower young people around the choices they make online. It can be hard to know where to start this conversation so we’ve put together some tips to help:

Location, location, location: When starting a conversation, think about where you are and what’s happening around you. Look for a time when they aren’t going to be distracted

Keep it natural: In the car on the way home from school or informally across the table is likely to work better than when they have friends over. The best conversations happen when they naturally arises or as part of other conversations. Talking about your favourite apps overs breakfast or hosting a games night can make bringing up online safety challenges and brainstorming solutions more comfortable for everyone.

Ask open-ended questions: Try to use questions which encourage conversation rather than ones which ask for yes or no answers. You find out a lot more from a “tell me about…” type question.

Lead with a request: Starting the conversation with a request for help about a platform or app can show your child that you want to learn about their knowledge is a great way to engage in further conversations.

Reserve judgement: Take the time to listen and keep judgement and criticism out of the conversation. Making teenagers feel heard and supported is an important part of the conversation. It also helps build trust and comfort around these topics. Listen and focus on what your teenager is saying, no matter how hard this might be. Showing an interest in what they are doing makes it easier to have more difficult conversations if a challenge arises later on. If your child thinks you’ll over-react, they’ll stop talking to you and look for answers in other places.

Get to know the tech: Take the time to explore the devices and platforms your teenager is using. This helps you understand the potential benefits, risks and challenges your young person could face online and can help them feel more confident approaching you for support if things do go wrong online. Asking them to show you how to use their favourite app is a great way to connect while opening up discussions about their experiences online.

When in doubt, act it out: While your young person may feel comfortable talking to you about their favourite apps, they may shy away from discussing the online challenges they’re facing. This could be due to embarrassment, fear of getting in trouble, or not believing that you’re able help them. Instead of getting personal it may help to use scenarios when discussing potential solutions to online challenges. For example, ask your young person how they would support a friend who was having trouble online. Talk through these scenarios and create plans for support together.

The approach you take will be different depending on the age and stage of your child – and what you feel comfortable discussing.

Online safety conversation starters for teenagers

Use your judgement to choose the topics that are most relevant to your child. If you’re unsure, asking them and letting them lead the conversation is good way to go. If you need some guidance on what questions to ask, we’ve put some together around common themes to help you get started.

Managing time online

• How do you manage your time online?
• How much of your free time do you spend online?
• How do you tend to feel after spending time online?
• What settings on your social media would help you to manage your time online?
• What could I do to help you manage your time online better?

Catfishing

• Have you or one of your friends ever been catfished? How did it make you/them feel?
• How do you tell if someone really is who they say they are online? How can you identify a fake profile or social media account?
• Why would someone pretend to be someone else online?
• Have you ever had someone contact you online in a way you didn’t like? What did you do?

Social media versus reality

• Who do you like following on social media? Why?
• What kinds of content do you share on social media?
• How do you think social media could affect someone’s mental or physical health? What are some ways we can avoid this?
• Do you follow any accounts that focus on posting positive or uplifting content? What are your favourites?

Online bullying

• Have you ever felt sad or unhappy when you have been online? What did you do? Would you do anything differently now?
• What does online bullying look like to you? What’s the difference between bullying and joking around?
• What advice would you give to a friend who was being bullied online? What support could you offer them?
• What would you do if one of your friends was bullying someone else?
• What does being an “upstander” mean? How could you do this safely?
• How is an online friend different to an offline friend?

Sending naked images

• Do you feel comfortable speaking about this topic with me? Is there another trusted adult you’d feel more comfortable speaking to?
• Why do you think some people send nude images of videos of themselves to other online?
• Have any of your friends sent nudes? What did you think? Can you think of any risks?
• What advice would you give to a friend who has had their nudes shared without their consent?

Online pornography

• Do you feel comfortable speaking about this topic with me? Is there another trusted adult you’d feel more comfortable speaking to?
• How does pornography differ from sex in real life? Do you think it’s realistic?
• Have you ever accessed or stumbled across porn online?
• If you had questions about porn or sex, where would you go for answers?