Family safe online treaty
Use these templates to help your whānau talk about and agree online safety guidelines to help everyone have a safe and positive online experience.
We know that regular conversations at home help to minimise the harm if things go wrong online. Research shows that parents are key to the success of children and young people becoming safe, confident and capable in their use of use digital technology. So we’ve put together some ideas to help start a korero about online safety.
Use these templates to help your whānau talk about and agree online safety guidelines to help everyone have a safe and positive online experience.
Last Updated30/07/2024
It’s never too early to start talking to your child about safe behaviours whether offline or online or their digital footprint. They are probably watching you interact online or their siblings, so start talking about the safety tips you use when online. When you are about to post a photo, ask them where they think it will go and who will be able to see it.
Children talk to people they trust and who understand them – for under 10s this is most likely parents and family members. Knowing what to ask, when to ask or how to ask can be tricky, so we have a few suggestions. When looking to have a chat with your child consider:
Where you are: Look for a time when your child isn’t going to be distracted by things happening around them.
Keeping it natural: In the car on the way home from school or informally is likely to work better.
Asking open-ended questions: Use questions which invite conversation rather than ones which ask for yes or no answers.
Leading with a request for help: Starting the conversation with a request for help about a platform or app can show your child that you recognise their knowledge which could lead to great engagement in further conversation.
Reserving judgement: Listen and focus on what your child is saying, no matter how hard this might be. Showing an interest in what they are doing makes it easier to have more difficult conversations if a challenge arises.
The approach you take will be different depending on the age and stage of your child – and what you feel comfortable discussing.
Use your judgement to choose the topics that are most relevant to your child.
Internet basics
Managing time online
Online bullying
Privacy & personal information
Truth & tricksters
Upsetting content
What happens if my child asks me a question I can’t answer? You don’t have to have the answer. Saying “Where do you think we could find out the answer?” is a great way to explore together.
How do I know if a website, platform or game is safe for my child to use? Most social media platforms have a minimum age limit of 13+ so check terms and conditions carefully before letting your child use something. Talk to other parents and lean on their experience and knowledge, search netsafe.org.nz or have a look yourself. Download the app and use it – you will work out very quickly if you want your child engaging with.
When you’re talking to your child about what they do offline, it’s a good time to talk about their online activities too. They are probably watching you interact online or doing things at school already, so start talking as often as you can. When you are about to post a photo, ask them where they think it will go and who will be able to see it.
Young people talk to people they trust and those who understand them and their experiences. For intermediate aged children this is most likely to be parents and family members, but there is a growing reliance on their friends as they get older. Knowing what to ask, when to ask or how to ask can be tricky, so we have a few suggestions below:
Location, location, location: When starting a conversation, think about where you are and what’s happening around you. Look for a time when they aren’t going to be distracted.
Keep it natural: In the car on the way home from school or informally across the table is likely to work better than when they have friends over. The best conversations happen when they naturally arises or as part of other conversations.
Ask open-ended questions: Try to use questions which encourage conversation rather than ones which ask for yes or no answers. You find out a lot more from a “tell me about…” type question.
Lead with a request: Starting the conversation with a request for help about a platform or app can show your child that you want to learn about their knowledge which may lead to great engagement in further conversations.
Reserve judgement: Listen and focus on what your child is saying, no matter how hard this might be. Showing an interest in what they are doing makes it easier to have more difficult conversations if a challenge arises later on. This conversation is about gaining their trust, letting them know you are listening and giving them a clear sign that you are there for them. If your child fears you’ll over-react (or freak-out), they will stop talking to you and look for answers in other places and with other people.
The approach you take will be different depending on the age and stage of your child – and what you feel comfortable discussing.
Use your judgement to choose the topics that are most relevant to your child.
Privacy & personal information
Managing time online
Online bullying
Social media vs reality
The minimum sign up age for most social media platforms is 13.
Truth & tricksters
Online pornography
Sending naked images
Consider the appropriateness of discussing this particular challenge with your child – think about your child’s age & stage.
What happens if my child asks me a question I can’t answer?
You don’t have to have the answer. Saying “Where do you think we could find out the answer?” is a great way to explore together.
How do I know if a website, platform or game is safe for my child to use?
Most social media platforms have a minimum age limit of 13+ so check terms and conditions carefully before letting your child use something.
Talk to other parents and lean on their experience and knowledge, search netsafe.org.nz or have a look yourself.
Download the app and use it – you will work out very quickly if you want your child engaging with.
While friends become greater sources of support for young people as they get older, maintaining trusted relationships with their parents is still important. Regularly engaging in open conversations about online experiences is a useful way for parents to support and empower young people around the choices they make online. It can be hard to know where to start this conversation so we’ve put together some tips to help:
Location, location, location: When starting a conversation, think about where you are and what’s happening around you. Look for a time when they aren’t going to be distracted
Keep it natural: In the car on the way home from school or informally across the table is likely to work better than when they have friends over. The best conversations happen when they naturally arises or as part of other conversations. Talking about your favourite apps overs breakfast or hosting a games night can make bringing up online safety challenges and brainstorming solutions more comfortable for everyone.
Ask open-ended questions: Try to use questions which encourage conversation rather than ones which ask for yes or no answers. You find out a lot more from a “tell me about…” type question.
Lead with a request: Starting the conversation with a request for help about a platform or app can show your child that you want to learn about their knowledge is a great way to engage in further conversations.
Reserve judgement: Take the time to listen and keep judgement and criticism out of the conversation. Making teenagers feel heard and supported is an important part of the conversation. It also helps build trust and comfort around these topics. Listen and focus on what your teenager is saying, no matter how hard this might be. Showing an interest in what they are doing makes it easier to have more difficult conversations if a challenge arises later on. If your child thinks you’ll over-react, they’ll stop talking to you and look for answers in other places.
Get to know the tech: Take the time to explore the devices and platforms your teenager is using. This helps you understand the potential benefits, risks and challenges your young person could face online and can help them feel more confident approaching you for support if things do go wrong online. Asking them to show you how to use their favourite app is a great way to connect while opening up discussions about their experiences online.
When in doubt, act it out: While your young person may feel comfortable talking to you about their favourite apps, they may shy away from discussing the online challenges they’re facing. This could be due to embarrassment, fear of getting in trouble, or not believing that you’re able help them. Instead of getting personal it may help to use scenarios when discussing potential solutions to online challenges. For example, ask your young person how they would support a friend who was having trouble online. Talk through these scenarios and create plans for support together.
The approach you take will be different depending on the age and stage of your child – and what you feel comfortable discussing.
Use your judgement to choose the topics that are most relevant to your child. If you’re unsure, asking them and letting them lead the conversation is good way to go. If you need some guidance on what questions to ask, we’ve put some together around common themes to help you get started.
Managing time online
Catfishing
Social media versus reality
Online bullying
Sending naked images
Online pornography
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