Online child grooming: safeguarding on social media and at home

Understanding online child grooming

As young people become more independent online, they can connect and communicate with people they don’t know. While many of these interactions are harmless, some lead to online ​child ​grooming. Here, we outline what online grooming involves, its signs, prevention strategies, and how to report incidents to Netsafe.

If you’re concerned about the immediate safety of yourself or someone else, call 111(tel:111).

What to do if you suspect a child is being groomed online

Follow these steps if you suspect a child is being groomed online:

• Try to capture the evidence. Follow our advice on how to properly record digital evidence.(/online-abuse-and-harassment/how-to-record-digital-evidence)
• Contact Netsafe for guidance on the steps you can take (however avoid sending any explicit images / screenshots directly to Netsafe).

Report online (https://report.netsafe.org.nz/hc/en-au/requests/new)Email [email protected] (mailto:[email protected])Text 'Netsafe' to 4282 (sms:4282?body=Netsafe)Live chat support Call 0508 638 723 8am-8pm weekdays, 9am-5pm weekends (tel:0508638723)New Zealanders overseas can call +64 9 666 0840 (tel:+6496660840)

What is child grooming?

Online​ child​ grooming involves an adult establishing a relationship with a young person to exploit them sexually. This exploitation can range from soliciting nude photos to engaging in sexual conversations.

Groomers may use fake profiles or their real ones, pretending to share common interests or friends by examining social networks to initiate contact discreetly.

Often, groomers will start conversations on a platform that is easy to connect on and use to establish a relationship. Once trust is gained, they will encourage the conversation to move to another direct messaging platform that may be less known or not as easily visible to others.​​

Advice for parents or caregivers

Signs of online child grooming

Some of the signs to watch out for can be:

• Increased secrecy or time spent online, withdrawing from family and social activities.
• Sudden closure or switching of device screens when around adults.
• Using sexually explicit language beyond their expected knowledge.
• Presence of inappropriate content on devices.
• Unexplained new devices.
• Receipt of unknown gifts or parcels.

Prevention tips for online child grooming

Open communication is vital. Discuss with children the risks of interacting with strangers online and the importance of:

• Recognising fake profiles.
• Managing online friendships safely.
• Identifying and addressing uncomfortable online interactions.
• Understanding and respecting consent as a fundamental aspect of healthy relationships.

Additionally, parents are encouraged to:

• Stay informed about the platforms and applications their children use.
• Utilise privacy settings and parental controls(/social-media-safety) effectively.

Where to get help

If you suspect your child is being groomed online:

• Try to capture all evidence if possible. Screenshot the conversation, however, avoid sending explicit images directly to Netsafe. ​​​Contact Netsafe​ if you are unsure of what to send, you can find instructions on how ​​to gather electronic evidence on our website.(/online-abuse-and-harassment/how-to-record-digital-evidence)

If you're concerned about the immediate safety of a child or someone else, call 111(tel:111).

For online grooming reports you can ask to talk to the Child Protection Team.

Netsafe can guide you through the steps you can take to address online grooming.

Advice for young people

Online grooming often begins when someone pretends to be your friend online with the goal of gaining your trust and isolating you from others. Be cautious of those who:

• Encourages you to keep your friendship and conversations secret, only wanting to chat when others are not around.
• Push conversations towards a sexual nature.
• Asks a lot of private and personal information early on in the conversation.
• Shows nervous behaviour when adults are mentioned.

Methods used by groomers

Groomers may put pressure on you by:

• Wanting to know details about your sexual experiences.
• Wanting you to “sext” or talk in a sexual way over messages or calls.
• Asking you to send them explicit images (nude or nearly nude) of yourself.
• Sending you inappropriate content, such as porn, or asking you to visit specific sites.
• Using emotional manipulation, such as faking depression to guilt you into sharing explicit images.

Maintaining control

Groomers will want to keep control, and if you don’t do what they say, they could get angry or aggressive. They might:

• Try to isolate you from friends and family.
• Use threats or manipulation to prevent you from ending the communication, such as threaten to send your messages or photos to friends and family or post them publicly on social media.
• Try to make you feel ashamed and embarrassed for communicating with them.
• Blame you or say they will harm themselves to try and force you to continue with sexual activities.
• Threaten to hurt you, or your friends and family if you stop communicating with them.

Groomers are trying to stop you telling others about what is happening. It’s important to know none of this is your fault, no matter what the groomer has said to you.

How Netsafe will help

Netsafe offers confidential advice and support and can help by:

• Discussing safe ways to end the harmful online communication.
• Reporting the groomers account to the platform(s) they are using.
• Letting you know if the groomer should be reported to the Police.
• Assisting in the removal of explicit images from online platforms.
• Providing information about free counselling services.

We treat everything you tell us as confidential. This means we won’t share it with anyone else without your consent to do so. The only time we would need to share this information without your consent is if we are concerned for your safety or the safety of someone else.

We may also share information with relevant law enforcement agencies if we believe a dangerous situation has occurred or is occurring. We will always try to tell you this first before we do so.

Further support

For free non-judgemental advice and help, reach out to Netsafe.

Being the target of grooming is distressing for the child and their family.

You can get further support and advice from a number of confidential support services.