Cyberbullying

What is cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying (also referred to as online bullying) is when individuals use the internet to harass, intimidate, or target others.

It can take place over various platforms such as social media, messaging apps, gaming platforms and through email or texts.

Cyberbullying is the term that tends to be used when the bullying is taking place between young people, teenagers or within a school environment. Online bullying tends to refer to adults.

The difference between cyberbullying and banter

What is banter?

Banter is a friendly and light-hearted exchange between people. True banter is not intended to shame, upset, belittle, offend, or make someone uncomfortable. It is a shared joke between friends.

Signs that banter may have gone too far:

• Is there only one person in on the joke? Banter should be a two-way exchange, not a one-sided attack. If only one person is involved in the joke, it might be a sign of bullying.
• Is the joke embarrassing, insulting, or shaming towards another person? Friendly banter should not embarrass or shame someone. If the intention or effect is harmful, reconsider before saying it.
• Is the joke about someone’s gender, religion, sexuality, race, ethnicity, or disability? Avoid making fun of sensitive aspects of someone’s identity. This crosses the line from banter into bullying.
• Has the person indicated that they do not like it? Banter is enjoyable only if all parties are in on the joke. If the targeted person feels uncomfortable or has asked you to stop, its best to cease immediately.

Advice for young people

Drama and gossip are not essential parts of life. If you are being bullied or harassed online, reach out to us for help and advice, regardless of your situation.

Examples of cyberbullying:

• Being shamed or called names online.
• Receiving repeated unwanted messages.
• Spreading rumours and lies about you.
• Using fake accounts to mock you.
• Being hacked or impersonated by someone else.

Tips to help you deal with online bullying

• Don’t reply: Refrain from responding to bullying messages or retaliating with mean comments.
• Talk to someone you trust: Sharing your feelings can help reduce the emotional burden and assist in deciding the next steps.
• Collect evidence: Save screenshots or recordings of the bullying incidents. Document usernames, display names, and URLs involved. You can more advice on how to record digital evidence here.(/online-abuse-and-harassment/how-to-record-digital-evidence)
• Block harmful content: Most social media platforms allow you to report, block, or unfriend offenders. Check available safety centres of the platforms for guidance.
• Contact Netsafe: For advice and support.
• Call 111: For immediate safety concerns.

How to help someone being bullied

• Reach out and offer support.
• Direct them to information about reporting online bullying and blocking harmful content.
• Consider standing up to the bully if you feel safe to do so.

What to do if you have bullied someone else online

Sometimes we do things and say things about other people online that we aren’t proud of, that we regret or that we know deep down isn’t right. It’s quick and easy to send a snap or message, write a comment or share something in a group chat that we didn’t take the time to think about how it might make that person feel.

It might be something that seemed like a joke at the time, something that you didn’t think anyone else would see, or something that you did when you were angry. You might have just joined in on something because everyone else was doing it. Recognising that something you’ve done doesn’t feel quite right is a good thing, but it doesn’t mean you should dwell on it. We can’t change the past, but luckily, we can choose which actions we take next – check out our tips for making things right.

Delete what you can:  If the post or comment is still somewhere online, delete it if you can. It can be hurtful for the person affected if they are being reminded of something that was said about them because they know it’s still online, even after it’s happened. If you know that other people are still sharing it around, you can ask them to stop if you feel comfortable.

Apologise: Reach out to the person and apologise to them. It can be hard to say sorry, but it can be really important for the other person. It doesn’t have to be a long apology, you just need to let them know that you’re sorry for any hurt or embarrassment you might have caused. If they come back to you with an angry or upset response they might not be ready to mend things yet, so just leave it at that – at least you’ve let them know.

Think about what you'd do next time: Take a minute to think about the situation, what happened and what you could do differently next time. This way, you’re prepared and know what to do if it happens again. Here’s a few tips for situations that might crop up:

• Your friends are being mean about someone in a group chat: Don’t join in. If you’re talking about a situation that’s OK, but you don’t need to make mean comments or personal attacks about the people involved while you do it.
• Someone has said something mean about someone you care about: Take a deep breath and think. You don’t want to do something out of anger because it could make the situation worse for the person you care about. Most social media platforms let you report content or accounts that are acting against their community guidelines, so report it if you can.
• Your friends are joking around about someone in the group and you’re not sure if it’s going too far: It isn’t always easy to tell the difference between banter and bullying. Having a laugh with your friends is a normal part of most friendships, but it's important to recognise when banter turns into bullying.

Spread some positivity

You might have done something in the past that you don’t feel great about, but you can do something that makes you feel good right now. You never know who might need a little bit of positivity today. Every day is a new start and although you can’t always control the circumstances around you, you can control how you react to them.

Advice for parents

Is your child being bullied online?

Every child responds differently to bullying​ online​. Some may be deeply affected while others may not.

If you suspect your child is being bullied, try asking them about it in a non-confrontational manner.

What to do if your child is being bullied online:

• Stay calm: Your child needs to talk to you knowing that your response will be level-headed, thoughtful, and helpful.
• Evaluate the situation: Understand the extent of the bullying. Is it a few offhand remarks or something more serious?
• Understand how your child is affected: Let your child know it’s okay to be upset about the situation.
• Don’t take away the technology: Removing your child’s devices can alienate them from their most important support network – their peers.
• Work through a plan together: For further help, contact Netsafe.

What to do if your child is the bully?

• Keep calm: Seek to understand the reasons behind your child's actions.
• Don’t deny the situation: Acknowledge and address the behaviour instead of deflecting blame.
• Discuss the seriousness: Explain how their behaviour can harm others and themselves.
• Help remove content: Assist your child in removing harmful posts from all platforms.
• Apologise: Encourage your child to apologise appropriately.
• Monitor online activity: Depending on the situation, consider closer monitoring of your child’s online behaviour.
• Seek help: If needed, consider counselling or anger management support.

Rebuilding confidence after cyberbullying

Tips for recovery

• Talk it out: Sharing your feelings with someone can provide a different perspective and alleviate some of the emotional burden.
• Turn anger into positive action: Use your experience to take constructive steps like blocking and reporting the bully or finding new friends.
• Try new things: Engage in new activities to rebuild confidence incrementally.
• Express yourself: Creativity can be a therapeutic outlet for processing emotions.
• Embrace your differences: Remember that your unique traits are a strength, not a weakness.

Contact Netsafe

Our helpline is open seven days a week for free, confidential assistance. We provide a non-judgemental service to help you navigate and resolve online bullying.

Report online (https://report.netsafe.org.nz/hc/en-au/requests/new)Email [email protected] (mailto:[email protected])Text 'Netsafe' to 4282 (sms:4282?body=Netsafe)Live chat support Call 0508 638 723 8am-8pm weekdays, 9am-5pm weekends (tel:0508638723)New Zealanders overseas can call +64 9 666 0840 (tel:+6496660840)

Further support

Experiencing cyberbullying can be distressing. If you would like further support you can contact these free, confidential services: